When Your Body's Not Your Own

The past few years have taught me so much. Steven and I have been through what to us has felt like a lot. Life throws you things in funny ways though. If you look for the lesson there is always something very valuable to learn from every seemingly hard life experience.

One that has been particularly hard for us started just over 2 years ago.

I miscarried.

I don’t want to go into the details but let me just say to any woman who has ever lost, I love you. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you.

It took me a really long time to emotionally get out of what was thrown at us. I’m still not “over” it. That doesn’t ever fully happen I think. But I found strength finally to carry on.

After everything we started seeing a dr. that suggested that if I had not been so thin, if my body fat % hadn’t been so low, I would have had an easier time supporting a baby. He then went on to suggest that I gain 20 pounds to try and get myself to the ideal baby supporting percentages.

20 pounds!

With that suggestion I gained, and gained, until I was at the “optimal” weight/body fat %. I made it! Maybe now it would happen.

But it didn’t. It hasn’t...not yet. There are other factors at works as well. 

And I’m still 20 pounds heavier then I ever have been in my life. 
A move to a new state and a new fertility Dr. later, we are still getting the same recommendation. Don't lose weight!

Some days are really hard for me. I LOVE to run. I love working out. I love the rush of endorphins and the energy that comes from pushing your body to do hard things. I LOVE that sore and tired feeling after a great workout.

But suddenly I was told not to.

I was told not to do what I loved so very much. “Run less. Go to the gym maybe once or twice a week. Eat an extra helping, and dessert! Every night if you want!” I know it might sound like a dream but it was a really hard mental shift for me.
Still is.

Not the actual eating what I want part, which does kind of rock I guess. But now, when I look in the mirror sometimes I don’t see ME anymore. I always took so much pride and pleasure in making sure my body was what I wanted it to be. Now sometimes when I look in the mirror it is hard to believe it is really me looking back. Where did the fit, fun, energetic girl go?

But sometimes I look in the mirror and see those new curves and bumps and hope, and pray, that maybe they are what our baby needs. That if my body is a little softer, curvier and rounder that this time, this time might be different. They might get to stay with us.

My body is not my own right now. My body is dedicated, completely to an idea. To an idea and a dream. So although I may not have my “dream” body, I now have a Palmer family dream body.

That I can live with.

Hello Again

I have started blogging with my sisters over at 

What's Cookin Sister

It has been a really fun way for us to keep in touch and share things with one another as we are all so far apart. 

-BUT-

Blogging again over there has really made me miss the outlet that blogging was here

There has been a lot going on 

I have so much to write about

So the first few posts back might not have any pictures and too many words

or

they might be too full of pictures

I will find balance again soon. 

But thanks for being here with me still. 

I know it has been a while. 

but I am excited 

I'm a dork...but I hope you like this video :)

This week has been so weird

W-E-I-R-D

Friends

For real! 

So I hope you excuse the amount of silliness in this video and just take it for what it is. 

Further proof that 

I can do nothing normally

But here it is. 

Easter/Spring Time Date Night Look! 

I wanted to do something for Easter coming up 

I have seen a lot of videos being posted about sweet and simple spring time looks

so I thought I would do something a little different

a purple smokey eye that is still simple and soft enough to be springy! 

I really hope you guys like it 

:) 

Foundation
This is a Date night look so I decided to do more full coverage. Just dab some BB cream all over your face and smooth it out. 

I used the E.L.F. Small Stipple Brush for my blending but you can use a beauty blender or just your fingers too if you like. I personally opt for a brush whenever I can just because it feels more luxurious to me. I love the feeling of putting on my makeup with a brush and if it's a small and simple happy...why the heck not right? Use small circles to blend it all in to perfection. 

Lip Balm

Next I put on some of my favorite Rosebud Perfume Co. Strawberry Lip Balm. When I know I'm going to be doing a full eye look I don't want my lips to dry out while waiting for their turn. Plus it smells and feels amazing!

Eye Lid Primer

Next, because I am going for more of a bold eye, primer is KEY! It keeps the shadow from fading and creasing. Done! I use E.L.F. Shadow Lock Eyelid Primer  cause it works and is only 3 dolla. Double Done! 

Shadow

I realized after I had made this video that the shadow palette I used isn't actually available anymore. But I found one that is super close, Eyeshadow Quad in Purple Icon. Just use the corresponding colors. 

I start by taking the lightest purple shade and sweeping that all over my lid and just barely into my crease. Tap a little onto the tip of the brush and sweep that along your lower lash line. 

Next take the mid-shade purple color and starting at the outer corner of your eye pat that in to about 2/3 of the way over your lid. Don't cross that 2/3 line! You want that original light purple to show through at the inner 1/3 of your eye. This helps lightly contour your eye giving it the appearance of being more round and shaded.

Then...

BLEND!!

Blending is key with any smokey eye. If there are lines anywhere...it will not look smokey...it will just look sloppy. 

And that's not pretty. Not at all! 

Next take the darkest shade of purple and again starting at the outer corner of your eye deepen the shadow even further. Create a v shape at the outer corner of your upper eyelid sweeping back and forth along your lash line and into your crease just above your lid. Also tap a little of that deep purple on the edge of the brush and sweep that along your lower lash line.

Now BLEND!

Blend Blend Blend until it doesn't look like 3 different colors. Just a beautiful natural shadow around your eye. 

Lastly take your finger and get a little of that bright white pigment and dab that into the inner corners of your eye. Again make sure there are no harsh lines showing. This adds a little brightness to your eyes. 

Liner

Next comes liner. I used an Ulta Automatic Eye Liner in Storm. With a bold but pastel shadow color like this a black liner would be too harsh. Using the gray liner messily smudge your upper and lower lash lines. Don't worry about being too perfect cause as soon as you're done lining take your brush and smudge that line out. This helps soften the edges and again, adds to the sexy smokey-ness of the look. 

Mascara

Lastly add your mascara. You know the one. :) 

Concealer

I choose to do my concealer, especially my under eye concealer, AFTER I have finished my eye makeup. I find that eye shadow dust has the tendency to fall onto your cheekbones as your working so if you do your concealer after, you just brush it away and THEN perfect it. Easier right? 

I use L'Oreal Paris True Match Crayon Concealer  to get rid of any dark circles, and NYX Waterproof Concealer to cover any blemishes or spots. 

Brows! 

Brows make such a difference. They can still look natural, but if they are not filled in and groomed and you're trying to pull off a full shadow look like this...let me tell you...you will fell out of balance! For real! I seriously can't stress how important brows are! Just try it. I promise, you'll love what it does for your face. 

I use Sonia Kashuk Tinted Brow Gel to even out the thickness of my brows and help darken just a touch. Then using the Rimmel Professional Brow Liner I go back in and touch up any spots that might look bare still. ( I have weird bald spots in my brows....so I have to use 2 products sometimes) Weirdo

Contour

Next comes the face. I contour just the tiniest bit! I seriously cannot stress how lightly you should be doing this! You can so easily go overboard with contouring. You want just a touch of pigment added to enhance the shadows under your cheekbones. It starts getting really muddy looking REALLY fast if you're not careful. Use a fluffy brush to make sure there are no harsh lines. 

Blush

I chose this blush because it is such a springy pink! It really goes right along with the whole look I was trying to pull together. Just a touch on your cheeks please. No streaks here.


Touch Up
(I had to add a touch more concealer. All that blushin wiped off what I had previously covered) 

Lips

Last is lipstick. This color is awesome! It's pretty neutral, but still kind of pinky purple. Perfect for a springy - feminine - Eastery Date night lip! Muah! 

Happy Easter Friends! 

Full Product List: 

Garnier Skin Renewal Miracle Skin Perfector BB Cream: Normal to Dry Skin in Fair/Light

E.L.F. Small Stipple Brush

Rosebud Perfume Co. Strawberry Lip Balm

E.L.F. Shadow Lock Eyelid Primer in Sheer

Eyeshadow Quad in Purple Icon

E.L.F. Essential Eye Shadow Brush

E.L.F. Essential Eye Crease Brush 

Ulta Automatic Eye Liner in Storm

CoverGirl LashBlast Volume Mascara in Very Black

Sonia Kashuk Tinted Brow Gel in Brown

Rimmel Professional Brow Liner in Brown

L'Oreal Paris True Match Crayon Concealer in W1-2-3

NYX Waterproof Concealer in Fair

E.L.F. Studio Contouring Blush and Bronzing Powder in St. Lucia

Physicians Formula Powder Palette for Brunettes

Revlon Super Lustrous Lipstick in Primrose

Whats Black, White and Awkward All Over?

As many of you know
I find it difficult to take a good picture.

Whenever I get in front of the camera for more then a one snap headshot it
freaks
me
out!

I have always loved fashion blogging
But
Find it difficult to actually get good pictures of my outfits

So I just have given up on fighting it
and have fully embraced the "awkward fashion blogger" status

So here we go
Awkward Fashion Blogger 

round 2

*ding*

Head to Toe:

Lipstick: Revlon ColorStay Moisture Lip Stain in India Intrigue (Here) 

Top: F21 (Similar Here)

Necklace: Gift from Husband

Skirt: Made by my Mama (Similar Here) 

Shoes: Target (Similar Here and Here) 

Can we talk about this skirt for one second? 

My Mom is seriously so talented and thoughtful. 

She walked into a store and saw a skirt like this and thought,

"That looks like a skirt Margeaux would like.

Wait, I can totally make that." 

SO SHE DID!

Just cause she knew I would like it! 

For real you guys 

I have the sweetest Mom. 

For.

Reals.

So there you go...

Should We try this awkward fashion blogger thing again? 

What say ye? 

Lip Prep for 4 Different Lip Formulas

I had a few of you request my lip prep process mentioned in my first tutorial

so...

here it is! 

Lip Prep for 4 different kinds of lip products. 

Lipstick,

lip gloss, 

colored lip balm, 

and lip stains. 

It's basically the same thing but I just leave steps out for certain formulas. 

The video shows my processes for lipstick which is the most complex of the 4. 

My process for the other formulas can be found down under the steps from the video 

Thank you so much for watching guys! 

And again, 

if you have ANY requests or questions

hit me with them! 

:)

(Each step is linked with the product I used from the video. Enjoy!) 

1. Exfoliate

I use this little exfoliating lipstick almost every day. It is perfect for getting off any flakes or dry skin that might get in the way of creating the perfect lasting lip. 

Use small circular motions combined with large sweeping motions back and forth across your entire lip to exfoliate to perfection! Then using a damp cotton round wipe off any leftover sugar scrub from your lips. 

2. Plump/Moisturize

You do not by any means need to plump your lips on a daily basis. I usually don't. But for this video and for the sake of showing what this E.L.F. product can do, I used it. Feel free to just use basic chap-stick in place of the plumper here. The main thing that needs to happen is returning moisture to your newly exfoliated lips.

Quickly sweep your plumper/moisturizing chap-stick across your lips. Not too much now. Just enough to make them baby soft but not slippy. 

Wait for it to soak into your lips before moving to the next step. You don't want too many products building up under your color.
(I basically use any moment of pause in my routine to dance...so I would encourage that :) 

3. Prime

Priming your lips before applying color helps keep the color true to what you see in the tube and helps it last longer throughout the day. You can also use concealer or foundation to neutralize. I just choose to use the primer for it's added staying power. 

Apply the primer like you would a lip-stick. Cover your entire lip area to completely neutralize your natural lip color. I use my finger to blend it in a little and to make sure it is evenly spread over all my lip. 

4. Line

I got this liner a few years ago when this literally was the only clear liner I could find. Now there are many drugstore options available. I choose to use clear liner instead of colored because really, who has the money to buy a liner that matches every-single-one of your different lip colors. It just seems like a waste to me. Plus if your lipstick wears off sooner then the liner you get left with JUST the liner....not my favorite look. SO....clear just makes it all way easier. It matches everything I have and still keeps my lipstick in place. 

Line right on the edge of your natural lip line. This liner won't show so you don't have to be perfect about it. Just make sure you line where you don't want your lipstick to bleed past. 

5. Color

In Hawaii all of my lipsticks started to melt so I placed them in those little contact cases so I could still use them. Kind of weird, but it works. 

After choosing a color, use a brush to apply an even coat to your entire lip area. I love this brush because it's retractable, so I can take it with me wherever I go for an anytime touch-up. 

That's it! Your lipstick will go on smooth and stay looking fabulous for hours. 

Like I said above, the processes for the other formulas is very similar. I just leave a few things out. 

GLOSS PROCESS:

1. Exfoliate

2. Moisturize

3. Line

4. Color

COLORED LIP BALM PROCESS:

1. Exfoliate

2. Balm

LIP STAIN PROCESS:

1. Exfoliate

2. Moisturize

3. Line

4. Color

Thanks friends! See you next week!!! 

Everyday Makeup Part 2: Focus on Eyes

I seriously cannot say thank you enough! 

You ALL have been so nice and 

SOOOOO supportive! 

Thank you all!!!

I am still trying things out and am kind of excited to be trying out a few new methods of getting the information out there. 

Today I bring you....

A video!?? :) 

Weird. 

I seriously sat here at my computer for a good solid 30 minutes just thinking about pushing the publish button on that youtube page before I actually hit it.

In any case...there is a video now.

With my face in it....so....

weird. 

Let me know if you all like the video better then the pictures 

or if having a picture of each step was more helpful

or if you'd like it better if I just spoke in the video to make that whole connection easier....

I'm seriously learning as I go here

So if you have ANY suggestions 

I would love to hear them!!! :) 

I want to make these the best I can for YOU!!!! 

cause I kind of like you all.

A lot

*blush*

ok now scroll down and watch that video in all it's awkward weirdness :)

Music in this video is just what I happened to be listening to while putting on my makeup today....

some days it will be normalish

some days it will be a total throwback.

jojo...

jesse mccartney....

it's going to happen so just be warned. :)

List of product links and what I did....

1. L'Oreal Paris True Match Crayon Concealer in W1-2-3

Draw a triangle connecting the bottom of your nose, inner corner of your eye, and outer corner of your eye. Fill in with little strokes and blend blend blend away those dark circles. 

2. e.l.f Shadow Lock Eyelid Primer in Sheer

This stuff primes your lids to hold your shadow in place ALL day! Plus it is colored like a concealer so it helps cover those pesky little veins and discolorations that pop up on your lids from time to time. bye bye! 

3. NYX Waterproof Concealer in Fair

Cover any spots you want

4. e.l.f. Studio Contouring Bronzer & Blush Powder in St. Lucia 

Lightly use the bronzer directly under your cheek bones to add a little more dimension. (A little goes a LONG way here) You just want to enhance the natural shadow of your cheek bone. Nothing drastic. Next use the Blush on the apples of your cheeks and blend back toward your hairline staying above the bronzer/cheekbone line. 

5. Sonia Kashuk Tinted Brow Gel in Brown

This eye brow gel is great! it's super easy to use. Just brush with a light hand and voila! Naturally thicker brows! :) 

6. NYX Eye Shadow Palette in Dusk 'til Dawn

Use the copper/bronze shade to cover your lid. I like this color for me because I feel the color enhances my eye color. If you have blue eyes this one is great for you. If your eyes are green I would recommend something a little more red based and if your eyes are brown maybe more purple toned.

This palette would look amazing with any eye color, just if you want a color that will have the same eye "pop" effect...go with one that's a little more your eyes complementary color. 

7. e.l.f. Eye Shadow Brush

I love this brush because 

1. it works and 

2. it was $1.00. 

SOLD! :) 

8. Avon Glimmersticks Eye Liner in Blackest Black

Use an eyeliner that matches the color of your mascara. I use black mascara, so obviously I use black liner :)  Fill in your lash line by running the liner back and forth inside the lash line. Try to keep it in the lash line. Filling in the waterline will result in transfer of product to the lower lashes waterline. It's weird at first but it really helps enhance and create the illusion of a thicker lash line without the harshness of actually lining the eye. I am all about the sneaky natural looking. 

9. NYX Wonder Pencil in Deep

Lining the waterline of your lower lash line really opens your eyes and creates a bright eyed effect. Some people use white liner or one that is noticeably lighter then their skin color. To me, for an everyday look it's a little harsh. I use a darker shade but still nude to just keep the waterline clear of any wandering black liner from above and it really helps keep my eyes bright looking all day long. 

10. Covergirl LashBlast Volume Mascara in Blackest Black

I love this mascara!!! I have used it for years and have yet to fall as hard in love with any other mascara since college....so...a while folks. :) Love it! 

11. Rimmel London Show Off Lip Lacquer in Nude Eclipse

Nude lipsticks are hard. This one is pretty cool toned but it's still one of the closest to a perfect for me nude lip color I have found. It goes on like a gloss but stays like a lipstick and I kind of love that about it.

That's it.

Let me know if you guys like photos, videos or would like videos with just my voice over better? 

again I'm still working this thing out as I go

Thank you all again for your support!!

You all have been so kind and so wonderful.

Thank you! 

Everyday Makeup Part 1: Bold Lip

This is my everyday basic makeup routine. 

Sometimes I like to draw focus to my eyes.

Sometimes I like to draw focus to my lips. 

Here's my basic routine with the emphasis on lips. 

I will post another soon with my "focus on eyes" look soon. 

This look only takes a few minutes making it perfect for school, moms or just someone who doesn't have the patience for "real" makeup everyday (like me) 

so...here we go. 

Start with a clean and moisturized face.  

(no makeup Margeaux! AH! please keep scrolling!!)

I don't like to wear foundation, bb cream or tinted moisturizer on a regular basis. 

If I'm going out on a fancy date....sure. 

But it's too heavy for my skin for everyday. 

(my skin is ultra, mega, super sensitive and acne prone so....as little as possible is best) 

 I find the things that I do want to cover up on a daily basis and cover JUST those things. 

Like my dark circles under my eyes....

They need HELP!!

I use the Loreal Paris true match concealer crayon. 

It's a nice and thick but blend-able concealer that stays put all day long. 

I like to draw in the full triangle under my eye from my nose to the outer corner of my eye, and a little around the bottom of my nose. 

It covers the dark and makes you look a little more naturally lit at the same time. 

2 in 1 

AND keeping it natural lookin? Perfect!  

But honestly who can take themselves seriously while they have their face painted like this. 

So go ahead and make some faces and let out a war cry. 

It's all part of the process...

This is Husband's favorite step :)  

Using my finger I just blend blend blend away those little dark spots. 

The yellow tint of the W1-2-3 color of the concealer stick is perfect for neutralizing my dark circles. 

You might need to experiment a little to find out what color would work best for you. 

(We can go into this in more detail if you guys have questions about what colors to use to neutralize dark circles and discolorations. 

Let me know in the comments if you do and I'll start working on that asap) 

If not just pretend I never said anything :) 

Thanks....

Up next is my favorite concealer stick. 

NYX Incredible Waterproof Concealer

This little stick is MAGIC!

It is waterproof so it stays all day but doesn't clog my pores up. 

MAGIC I tell you!   

I kind of am obsessed with it. 

(Target carries only a few colors so if you don't match any of the ones there don't worry. find your closest ULTA store and they tend to carry a lot more options. They're just usually more expensive so I tend to try and find things at Walmart or Target first :) Sorry ULTA.)  

After you have perfected your skin in the most "oh so natural looking" way, 

it's time for a little color. 

I found this palette through my sister-in-law.

It's awesome! 

It has a bronzer AND a blush in it for 3 dollars!

Let me say that again...

$3.00!!

I have been using a sample of the benefit hoola for a long time now and this bronzer is so similar it's not even funny.

Plus at 1/7th the price...I can live with a TINY bit of difference for that price.  

(I'll post a picture if you're interested later. Seriously, they are the same!)

And the blush is a beautiful color. Perfect for everyday wear. 

Just a little bronzing powder right under the cheek bones.

And a little blush right on the apples of your cheeks.  

$3.00!! Why are you still reading this!? 

Go get it, come back and THEN we'll finish the rest. 

I'll wait for you to get back...

......

Ok

Up next is the eyebrow scene. 

I use the Rimmel London Professional Brow Liner. 

I've used this same product for years. 

As long as you keep it sharp it'll be your brow's best friend. 

Use a light hand and lots of little strokes mimicking the look of your natural hair. 

I think I just got my pencil too dark this last time. I sometimes struggle. 

So fill them in and if it feels like too much.....

Use an old mascara wand, 

CLEANED of course, 

and brush brush brush to natural filled in perfection.  

Next is where I decide if I am going to go with a bold lip or eye for the day. 

Today we're talking lip so....green crazy lipstick it is. :) 

I put this here because If I choose to do eyes I put liner on before mascara. 

but since I'm not...

On to mascara! 

This mascara is bomb! 

I have used the Covergirl LashBlast Volume mascara since what feels like forever. 

I have yet to find one that works as well for me and my lashes. 

But you use your favorite mascara. 

You know, the one that makes your lashes exactly how you imagine them looking if you were granted one eyelash wish by a magical mascara/eyelash genie....that one. Use that one.  

Done. 

Up next is lips. 

This lipstick is my favorite for those days that I want to wear a bolder lip color

but don't want to fuss over it all day. 

I found this lipstick at a walgreens for 2 bucks when we lived in Hawaii...

problem is they don't sell it on the mainland. 

But you can buy it online. 

And i'm sure they have similar products around somewhere....right?

Anyway,

Prep your lips...

This is a stain so if you have any uneven-ness or dry skin it will SHOW! 

(I'll post another tutorial if y'all are interested in my prep process)

and then swipe on a layer of this crazy green lipstick and watch what happens.  

It reacts with your body's heat to create the perfect pinky shade for you. 

It's great

Plus it's a stain...so it doesn't budge ALL DAY! 

(I'm really all about putting it on once and being done for the day) 

So play with your hair while you wait for you lipstick to turn it's perfect, all day strong, lovely shade of boldish pink. 

Lovely.

And that's it.

It takes me about 7 minutes to get my makeup on for the day

and oh what a difference it makes. 

Let me know what you guys think or if you have any questions on anything. :) 

Would you be interested in seeing more more tutorials like this?

leave a comment below and let's be friends :) 

 All the products and what shade I used:

Loreal Paris True Match Super- Blendable Crayon Concealer in W1-2-3

NYX Incredible Waterproof Concealer in Fair

ELF Contouring Blush and Bronzing Powder Palette in St. Lucia

Rimmel London Professional Brow Liner in Brown

CoverGirl LashBlast Volume Mascarra in Very Black

Magic Kiss Aloe Lipstick in Green